Can’t help
but feel like there’s a huge part of you I never even knew. Who’s that guy who
flirts constantly, who likes a million random girl’s photos, but never bothered
to like his two year old girlfriend’s photos?
I know in
my mind we don’t stand a change, and I want to move on, and I want to be loved
once more and, more importantly, I want to love and feel loved once again.
“The
greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.”
I wonder if
you’ve taken that away from me, the ability of believing I am loved. ‘Cause you
said you loved me more than anything in the world, that you wanted me by your
side for eternity and then you got tired of me, tired of loving me and of being
loved by me. So how am I supposed to believe the next guy who tells me he loves
me?
I feel
desire, but I am so scared of love, I find myself craving for meaningless,
doomed relationships. The only thing stopping me is conscience. Knowing I might
hurt someone’s feelings. Oh, and also, that little thing, deep inside my heart,
that tells me there’s a slight chance that in a year or so, you’ll realize you
love me and decide to forgive me. I know you wouldn’t look twice at me, even if
you’ve decided to forgive me, if you knew I had slept with someone else. So,
even though my brain keeps telling my heart that that is impossible and stupid
and masochist, I try to fight the urge, so I won’t ruin anything that may come.
I truly
believe I don’t love as much as I used to anymore, because of that side of you
I feel you’ve kept from me. In fact, just thinking you might be that way,
repulses me. Repulse is both good and bad. Good because it helps me get over
you, bad because it ruins my memories of you. Love really does blind you. How
perfect I believed you were. I truly believed there was not a single soul in
the hole world better than you. But you know what? There are plenty of guys out
there that wouldn’t get sick of me, that wouldn’t treat me like a disposable
item. When I tell my closest friends some of the things you called me… There
are certain things you just don’t say, specially to someone you supposedly love
more than anything.
Bottom line
I feel disappointed in you. I know that’s not your problem anymore, but
honestly, it’s ruining what we had for me.