2 de Março 2014

Can’t help but feel like there’s a huge part of you I never even knew. Who’s that guy who flirts constantly, who likes a million random girl’s photos, but never bothered to like his two year old girlfriend’s photos?

I know in my mind we don’t stand a change, and I want to move on, and I want to be loved once more and, more importantly, I want to love and feel loved once again.

“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return.”

I wonder if you’ve taken that away from me, the ability of believing I am loved. ‘Cause you said you loved me more than anything in the world, that you wanted me by your side for eternity and then you got tired of me, tired of loving me and of being loved by me. So how am I supposed to believe the next guy who tells me he loves me?

I feel desire, but I am so scared of love, I find myself craving for meaningless, doomed relationships. The only thing stopping me is conscience. Knowing I might hurt someone’s feelings. Oh, and also, that little thing, deep inside my heart, that tells me there’s a slight chance that in a year or so, you’ll realize you love me and decide to forgive me. I know you wouldn’t look twice at me, even if you’ve decided to forgive me, if you knew I had slept with someone else. So, even though my brain keeps telling my heart that that is impossible and stupid and masochist, I try to fight the urge, so I won’t ruin anything that may come.

I truly believe I don’t love as much as I used to anymore, because of that side of you I feel you’ve kept from me. In fact, just thinking you might be that way, repulses me. Repulse is both good and bad. Good because it helps me get over you, bad because it ruins my memories of you. Love really does blind you. How perfect I believed you were. I truly believed there was not a single soul in the hole world better than you. But you know what? There are plenty of guys out there that wouldn’t get sick of me, that wouldn’t treat me like a disposable item. When I tell my closest friends some of the things you called me… There are certain things you just don’t say, specially to someone you supposedly love more than anything.

Bottom line I feel disappointed in you. I know that’s not your problem anymore, but honestly, it’s ruining what we had for me.